Wank

As a person who is attracted so much into visual, sometimes I enjoy the moment popular with a term visualgasm a.k.a visual orgasm. Getting climax of fancy images or other visual arts is a priceless experience. Well, who doesn’t enjoy being in the peak? Everybody does. Several hours ago, I checked on videos I took on the new year eve, montage of the fireworks festive…and you know, I did visualgasm watching em. Then the philosoraptor in me asked, “If you did orgasm by your own work, didn’t it mean that you…masturbated?” Then I thought, “Damn, yes I did, indeed.” Hahaha. In fact, if it went that way, I had to admit that I climaxed so hard that my mind was blowing, and I was so happy.

Hence, recalling that we’ve entered the new year, twenty dozen, two zero one two, 2012, whatsoever, if I’m asked what my resolution is for this year, I’ll shamelessly answer: do a lot of jerking off.

Happy 2012!

 

*p.s. Forgive me for the low-res and watermark, well, nobody shares fingers when he/she wanks, aight?

The Problem

The major problem of all problems in this major.

Aye. Bye.

I ain’t an astrologic person, however my horoscope sign tells that my element is water. Umm, in this post, I guess my love affair, Jordan Marco loves water most than I do. In my photography sense, landscape and nature are the most rare shot I’ve taken. Nevertheless, I keep trying and not limiting myself in taking those category. So, here I present, some images I took in Anyer Beach, Jakarta. You do judge whether I nailed it or not. Enjoy!

Well, whaddaya think?

Anyway, all pics above are his work. Blame (or perhaps thank :p) him.

Impulsiveness Matters

Everyone live close to me must realize that my impulsiveness is my strength. Being spontaneous, being easy going, sometimes even being ‘cheap’ of any thing, place, or perhaps one, haha, never mind, so basically it’s for any kind of stuff exist. Some might ask, ‘Why being impulsive?’ Well, for me it’s a matter of fulfilling the enormous amount of curiosities I have on my mind. A dream is the long term form of achievement, but a curiosity is the vice versa condition, however, both still need to be completed. You can be someone with a super neat planning and management, whom I put my hat off to these kinda people, but you’ll realize that however neat your planning is, life is still a bitch. I once read a book by Peter McWilliams titled “Do It!” and found this piece there

Why aren’t we living our dreams?

Because there is something we are trained to honor more than our dreams: the comfort zone. The comfort zone is all the things we have done often enough to feel comfortable doing again.

I admit that being comfortable is bliss, but it’s not an excuse of avoiding attempting something new. How could you know whether you’re comfortable with it if you’ve never know what ‘it’ actually is.

Today, actually I’d like to put my ass on a bus seat to Bandung, just to wander my mind and self of, umm, i actually don’t know yet of what, but there must be something there, but I was overslept, haha, so, I asked my buddy, Frangky to visit this mall in Depok I’ve rarely been to, D Mall. Yap yap, it’s a mall, abbreviation of mass-less I guess. Hahaha. Yeah, too bad actually why this store with its rejuvenated concept gets small reception from the public. Moreover, back to the impulse issue, I randomly point a destination to this coffee shop I’ve never known its name before, well, it’s not a big deal giving a shot to this one. When we entered , voila! turned out it’s a super comfy place to hang. Its interior is such an mixture of modern and classic with Persian touch in its hookah decoration. I tried the Jamaican Espresso and it did taste nice, the rum neutralize the bitter of the double coffee. For the meal, I picked Chicken Cheese, wow, the combination of the steak and the pasta is yummy. Most of it, the wi-fi connection is quite rapid, plus the taste of music they were playing was relaxing. See, I’ve never known if I’ll feel this comfortable before I stepped my feet here, and that’s with no plan at all, ah yeah, just some pennies prepared but still I haven’t known where those pennies will be handed. See, if you want life to surprise you, start trying to surprise yourself first, one of the ways is…by being impulsive.

So anyway, I do recommend you guys to try Delysh Coffee Shop in D Mall Depok. Nice place to  hang or even alienate yourself. Ah, here we are, been a long time not being narcissistic. Haha. Cheers!

2512

It’s 25. The last month of the year. The day which people love the most. The moment of sharing and caring. A celebration of the King’s bday. The time when lotta parties are thrown. But, here I am. In a coffee shop, sitting while sipping my Tiramisu Blend (Oh, the cream tastes great), and wandering my mind to those memories of Christmas I had back there. At this day, I got no kiss, no gifts, no tidbits, no the whole day hugging with me folks and sis, no cute jolly things to remember. Sigh. So sad, so bad. Well, choice comes with consequences. So, not willing to do the melancholic stuffs but hell yeah I miss those colorful Christmas instead the monochrome I’m having now.

Note to self: You have to get used to it, Fabella. If it should be black and white, don’t be sorrow, just prepare for the snow.

 

Focus

Perspektifnya sama, cuma… beda fokus aja.

Kaya manusia, kan?

Desolation

Seperti contoh gaya bahasa di bangku SMA,  sedih di tengah pesta, sepi di tengah kerumunan, ironi namanya.

Seperti ingin teriak karena sesak, bukan karena beban namun hanya kesepian.

Kerumunan datang dan pergi, tawa menghias hari, habis, lalu sepi.

Mungkin salah hujan, rintik menggelitik, merintih kemudian tawa terbahak mengejek, sendiri.

Juga salah Kings of Convenience yang sok justifikasi, ‘Quiet is The New Loud’, feses kucing. Dusta.

Rasa sepi bentuk despotisme paling lalim, tanpa salim sok alim.

Kalau boleh didistilasi, lebih baik sepi dimutilasi. Sakit, biar. Pahit, memang.

Tidak ingin sepi, dia datang sendiri. Tidak ingin sendu, dia menusuk mengadu, mengaku aku.

Muntahan kata tak mengubah kisah. Basahan mata tak menambah rasa. Statis.

Lebih lapang dari hati pahlawan yang dulu berjuang sekarang ditendang.

Lebih luas dari wilayah penggores kuas bermain di tembok bekas.

Detik jadi dua detik seribu detik setriliun detik, terhenti, lalu mati.

Jengah, disonansi musik buat terpekik, tercekik, koma lalu titik.

Detektif datang interogasi, lalu pulang semua punya alibi.

Dokter coba diagnosa, pergi bukan salah raga.

Psikiater buat rumusan bait syaraf mana tersayat, kelu semua jadi mayat.

Maling.

Memang dasar, dirampas otak merampas otak terampas otak.

Pencuri.

Murung, lalu sepi, lalu sendiri, lalu pedih, mati.

p.s. Betul, salahkan daftar lagu saja, memang semua salah dia, bodoh.

Disorientasi Kata

Kupu-kupu berterbangan di perut, kata mereka
Seperti disengat lebah raksasa, kata yang lain
Bagiku, Setali tiga uang dengan diterjang oleh jutaan volt arus kejut listrik pada ujung jemari kaki
Arteri dan vena bagai air sungai yang mengalir deras berlomba-lomba mengirimkan gelombang menuju muara
Rasanya bagai baru bertemu setan, yah mirip-mirip juga dengan saat pertama kencan
Gejolak di dada mengirimkan pesan ke kepala, responnya peluh tapi bukan keluh namun seru
Penaku bertemu tinta baru
Alat rekamku mendapat pita baru
Kameraku mendapat lensa baru
Senjataku ganti peluru
Bangga, pun juga haru
Amunisiku ini lebih tajam dari kapak berburu, lebih cepat dari kijang yang lari terburu, lebih keras dari batu, bahkan hujan pun tak bisa menjadikannya debu
Senyum mengembang hatiku senang, Pulitzer di tangan
Lelap seperti tak ingin menetap, lelah sama sekali tak terasa
Esoknya, aku bangun, sukacitaku belum turun, masih ada di puncak terujung
Terhentak dan seperti anti klimaks saat kulihat peluruku berpindah
Ah, tidak, tapi ukurannya lebih kecil
Tapi sama tajam, sama cepat, dan sama keras
Ia bertandem dengan revolver mainan milik putraku
Seperti imitasi tapi membuat jantungku sekejap berhenti, ketika ia melepas pelatuk dan tetanggaku terbatuk
Kukira memang penyakit namun heran melejit saat darah merah segar mengalir disusul suara yang menjerit, akupun bergegas bangkit
Bunyi yang kubenci datang mengiringi, sirine mengerang aktif
Seolah lantunan orkestra dengan melodi depresif
Kabar kudengar, syukur ia tidak meninggal
Hanya sempat bermain dengan tanggal
Kulirik peluruku, kutimang dan kupangku
Juniornya hampir membuat nyawa terdesak, bahkan telah merakit isak
“Apa yang bisa diperbuat raksasa ini?“, pikirku di benak
Sebuah kontemplasi menghatamku telak
Bukan peluru yang dapat diramu dengan tinta dan kertas yang menghajarku
Ternyata masih ada lisensi hati yang memegang kendali
Bergegas kubuka buku-buku
Kuperdalam ilmu berburu
Benar, katanya peluruku ini untuk membunuh
Betul, keahliannya memang nomor satu
Di bawahnya ada teks kecil, mengatakan peluru ini berbeda, aku tahu dan sesungguhnya itulah yang membuatku bangga
Tapi senyumku tertahan ketika menemukan pesan bahwa ia disorientasi arah, ia peluru yang buta, ia berlari ke manapun ia ingin pergi
Tidak, bukan ini yang kuharap
Kukira siapa di balik senjata yang berperan, seperti banyak tertulis di kaos pasaran
“man behind the gun”, begitu banyak disampaikan
Barulah ini kutemui peluru tanpa mata
Mengapa harus ada saat aku pun tengah jenuh
Sempat kuberpikir, mungkin ini satu-satunya jalan tuk buatku maju
Menjadi pembunuh
Tapi bukankah lisensi hati seperti yang kubilang tadi menjadi kokang bukan mengekang
Masa berlakunya masih panjang memang
Ia berperan sebagai besi panjang yang bisa kupegang
Senjata yang kupegang
Bukan kubiarkan terbang
Ini ideal, kalau perlu kusematkan lem baja agar senjata ini tak asal menghatam siapa
Tanganku paham apa yang ingin disentuh, siapa yang ingin dituju
Bagian yang handal dari tubuh
Istriku pun mengangguk setuju
Tentu, tanganku juga pernah membuatnya berpeluh, walaupun belakangan sudah jarang
Jika diingat memang karena kita tak punya waktu
Aku tersadar
Bukan sinar dan kerlap binar lampu panggung yang kukejar
Banyak hal lain yang jadi silau karena kilau
Aku tersadar
Bukan Pulitzer dan sederet penghargaan lain yang esensial
Banyak momen terlewat karena penat
Aku tersadar
Bukan peluru ini yang menjadikanku pembunuh nomer satu
Banyak target yang terlewat karena terkaget
Aku tersadar
Aku tak butuh senjata untuk jadi juara
Aku hanya butuh mata yang dapat membawaku ke arah
Arah yang sebenarnya

A (s)light contemplation

I am walking through a pathway, walking while peeking of those crawling.

I am walking through a pathway, walking while breathing and smiling, tasting the sweet air.

I am walking through a pathway, walking while singing with rejoice.

I am walking through a pathway, walking while bluffing to the stoneless road.

I am walking through a pathway, walking while adoring my well-prepared action to pack all the needs well.

I am walking through a pathway, walking while sharing the tidbit to the chipmunk or even little cats passing by.

I am walking through a pathway, walking while stretching my muscles, taking my chin up and flash glaring the eagle.

I stop walking.

I am standing, my chin is still up, even higher. I am staring to the eagle. I am walking and it is flying.

I am standing, standing while thinking.

I am standing, standing while self murmuring, asking my head why it is flying.

I am standing, standing while rubbing my legs, ensuring that those are the only weapons to live.

I am standing, standing while sighing, still and motionless.

I am standing, standing while breathing, fortunately the air remains sweet and tasty.

I stop walking.

I start running.

I am running, running while doing what I was doing while I was walking. Faster beat, Higher heat.

I am running, running while staring the flying eagle.

I am running, running while arranging myself for not stopping breathing.

I am running, running while managing my sight to still flash peek to those who are walking.

I am running, running while singing, no, screaming of how beautiful the eagle flying.

I am running, running while balancing my feet for not getting stumbled.

I am running, running like there is no end to this pathway.

I am running, running while imagining the moment for me to stop running.

The moment for me to stop running,

The moment for me to start flying.

By the time that moment coming, I looked down from the sky, I saw something.

I am flying, flying while realizing that I left my legs beyond.

I am flying, flying while sobbing of having my legs parted.

I am flying, flying while regretting why I insisted of being on sky.

I am flying, flying while losing my companion of walking and running.

I am flying, flying while surrendering everything.

I am flying, flying while discovering that no need to me of flying.

POLITIC

 

 

Give me time and give me space
Give me real don’t give me fake
Give me strength, reserve control
Give me heart and give me soul

- Coldplay